New ask Hacker News story: I don't have crippling Anxiety, but Anxiety is crippling me
I don't have crippling Anxiety, but Anxiety is crippling me
6 by SMAAART | 0 comments on Hacker News.
From the outside in, people think that I've got it going on. I grew up poor, and I was an awkward shy kid, and - a few decades later - by any measure I am living the American dream. With hard work I put myself through college at night, survived divorce, lay-off, and more. When I was 18 almost as a joke I started a little FUN project that ended up as a mildly successful company with a small exit. Then I follow the college-job route, here and there thinkering with entrepreneurship, but while I was not longer socially shy/awkward my ventures often were relinquished to lists, or just acquiring a domain (at one point I owned >200 domains), or building a sucky web site, or filing a provisional patent, but I was "marketing shy", I never put myself out there, or at times I hid behind some excuse that I know now they were lame AF: "I need 20 million dollars in VC to make it happen". Plot twist, once I got a meeting with a VC I blew it off with an excuse. Even at work as a VP I have the "failure to launch" syndrome, I promise projects and then I don't follow through because I get stuck somewhere where my Anxiety cripples me (often when some deliverable involves managing other people). Nobody believes me, not even my therapist. Let alone my dozens of ex-girlfirends; but here I am. Planing planning planning and never seeing a venture through. Insecurity, impostor's syndrome, lack of self-esteem... I got it all. I am my own worst enemy. I need to get through my own BS. Any pointers? Leads? Books (I've read so many)? Or should I just be my own life/accountability coach and kich my own derriere? Should I just move to a crappy little dark place and deprive myself of food and any pleasures/necessities (become hungry by choice) and have my ventures be the ones providing my income, and not my job/savings?
6 by SMAAART | 0 comments on Hacker News.
From the outside in, people think that I've got it going on. I grew up poor, and I was an awkward shy kid, and - a few decades later - by any measure I am living the American dream. With hard work I put myself through college at night, survived divorce, lay-off, and more. When I was 18 almost as a joke I started a little FUN project that ended up as a mildly successful company with a small exit. Then I follow the college-job route, here and there thinkering with entrepreneurship, but while I was not longer socially shy/awkward my ventures often were relinquished to lists, or just acquiring a domain (at one point I owned >200 domains), or building a sucky web site, or filing a provisional patent, but I was "marketing shy", I never put myself out there, or at times I hid behind some excuse that I know now they were lame AF: "I need 20 million dollars in VC to make it happen". Plot twist, once I got a meeting with a VC I blew it off with an excuse. Even at work as a VP I have the "failure to launch" syndrome, I promise projects and then I don't follow through because I get stuck somewhere where my Anxiety cripples me (often when some deliverable involves managing other people). Nobody believes me, not even my therapist. Let alone my dozens of ex-girlfirends; but here I am. Planing planning planning and never seeing a venture through. Insecurity, impostor's syndrome, lack of self-esteem... I got it all. I am my own worst enemy. I need to get through my own BS. Any pointers? Leads? Books (I've read so many)? Or should I just be my own life/accountability coach and kich my own derriere? Should I just move to a crappy little dark place and deprive myself of food and any pleasures/necessities (become hungry by choice) and have my ventures be the ones providing my income, and not my job/savings?
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