New ask Hacker News story: Ask HN: New engineer, already burnt out, what now?
Ask HN: New engineer, already burnt out, what now?
7 by CodeSgt | 6 comments on Hacker News.
I've spent the past several years teaching myself to code, telling myself that I enjoyed it as a hobby and that a well-paying job would just be a bonus. Well, a few short months ago I finally got a well-paying job! I'm not sure what or why or how, but it flipped a switch in my brain. I think I've been gaslighting myself for years, telling myself I enjoy coding, forcing myself to spend my weekends and evenings doing it in the hopes that one day I'd be able to leverage that skill to advance my economic position. And so I did. I'm good at it. I don't have any specific complaints about my job or my team. But now that I'm finally here I don't feel happy like I thought I would. I've learned that I don't enjoy the process of software development. I don't enjoy writing code. I enjoy creating things, with writing the code being an essential but miserable part of that, and I'm not doing any creating now. I don't like sitting and looking at a screen for 9 hours a day. I work from home and while I love that, I'm constantly getting up from my desk because I just feel so restless. I go to the gym but it isn't enough. Moreover, and I hate to even admit this, I hate having to always be "on". I miss having an easy job where I could be essentially brain-dead. Every day I come and have to solve problems, but not the fun puzzles I was promised, not the execution of novel ideas or the creation or real value. Instead I dig through legacy code that was written in "start up" mode and have to figure out what Bob's function does that's abstracted 20 layers deep. I have to dig through an api's docs only to learn that a JSON key had the wrong capitalization in my request body. Ad infinitum. I could deal with constantly being "on" if it meant really solving interesting problems or creating something new and valuable. Instead I'm pouring my time and energy into what feels like categorically petty issues. A big part of me wants to just quit and get a job where I can turn my brain off for 9 hours and then spend my free time dedicating my brain power to personal projects and actually build things. I've stopped all personal projects because after 9 hours at work, the last thing I want to do is sit in that chair for another second. I'm making this post hoping to get answers to a few questions: 1. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Am I crazy? 2. What can I do to fix it? Has anyone experienced this, and then overcome it? 3. Are there any fields that are programming-adjacent where I could leverage what I've taught myself the past several years?
7 by CodeSgt | 6 comments on Hacker News.
I've spent the past several years teaching myself to code, telling myself that I enjoyed it as a hobby and that a well-paying job would just be a bonus. Well, a few short months ago I finally got a well-paying job! I'm not sure what or why or how, but it flipped a switch in my brain. I think I've been gaslighting myself for years, telling myself I enjoy coding, forcing myself to spend my weekends and evenings doing it in the hopes that one day I'd be able to leverage that skill to advance my economic position. And so I did. I'm good at it. I don't have any specific complaints about my job or my team. But now that I'm finally here I don't feel happy like I thought I would. I've learned that I don't enjoy the process of software development. I don't enjoy writing code. I enjoy creating things, with writing the code being an essential but miserable part of that, and I'm not doing any creating now. I don't like sitting and looking at a screen for 9 hours a day. I work from home and while I love that, I'm constantly getting up from my desk because I just feel so restless. I go to the gym but it isn't enough. Moreover, and I hate to even admit this, I hate having to always be "on". I miss having an easy job where I could be essentially brain-dead. Every day I come and have to solve problems, but not the fun puzzles I was promised, not the execution of novel ideas or the creation or real value. Instead I dig through legacy code that was written in "start up" mode and have to figure out what Bob's function does that's abstracted 20 layers deep. I have to dig through an api's docs only to learn that a JSON key had the wrong capitalization in my request body. Ad infinitum. I could deal with constantly being "on" if it meant really solving interesting problems or creating something new and valuable. Instead I'm pouring my time and energy into what feels like categorically petty issues. A big part of me wants to just quit and get a job where I can turn my brain off for 9 hours and then spend my free time dedicating my brain power to personal projects and actually build things. I've stopped all personal projects because after 9 hours at work, the last thing I want to do is sit in that chair for another second. I'm making this post hoping to get answers to a few questions: 1. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Am I crazy? 2. What can I do to fix it? Has anyone experienced this, and then overcome it? 3. Are there any fields that are programming-adjacent where I could leverage what I've taught myself the past several years?
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